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Spasms & Spamocidal Mania
Below is a letter I wrote to the following organizations: S.H.U. (Spam-Haters Unanimous) N.A.A.P.W.H.S. (National Association for the Advancement of People Who Hate Spam) P.W.H.P.W.D.H.S. (People Who Hate People Who Don't Hate Spam) P.F.W.S.H.I.A.L.C. (People for Whom Spam-Hating is a Lifestyle Choice) S.A.P.W.R.R.R.H.S. (Society for the Advancement of People Who Really Really Really Hate Spam) P.W.H.S.S.M.I.M.L.W.S.C.O.T.E. (People Who Hate Spam So Much It Makes Little Wisps of Steam Come Out of Their Ears) And, of course: Spam Haters In The Business of Internet Resource Directory Services. DEAR FELLOW SPAM HATERS, I'm writing to suggest that we combine forces in order to present a common front in our righteous war on unsolicited commercial email: Spam! I suggest we disband the myriad sites and organizations now opposing unsolicited commercial email in order to form a single, unified organization: The Spammish Inquisition! And I further suggest we elect me, Linda Cox, as our leader. Our Grand Inquisatrix! WHAT ARE MY QUALIFICATIONS? You think YOU hate spam? You don't even know what hate is! I hate spam so much that I... well, just a LOT! That's how much! If I hated spam any more than I already do, I think my head would burst into flames and spin like a top! Can you say that? Don't think so. I don't mean to say that I don't hate other things too, like pedophiles and nazis and that drunk guy who backed over my cat when I was seven. But spam... hooboy! SQUISH 'EM LIKE BUGS! I believe we should have a constitutional amendment allowing cruel and unusual punishment in the case of spammers. Maybe that tummy thing like the Japanese do when they get depressed. As with drugs, mere possession of bulk emailing software should result in the immediate confiscation of the computer it was on, as well as any nice clothes, jewelry, or lawn statuary that might have been purchased with spam profits. Just thinking about sending spam should be illegal, like joking about bombs in an airport. If I get to be Grand Inquisatrix, I'll have my own force of men-in-black dudes to sniff out spamsters and be really mean to them and call them names until they promise to be good little netizens again. It's for their own good. IN CLOSING... Having looked at the websites of some of the anti-spam crusaders, I know that I am not alone in my revulsion, disgust and utter skin-crawling contempt for spam. Like them, I have turned a blind-eye to more mundane problems like hunger, illiteracy, disease, country music and poverty so as to focus on the true menace ravaging our cyber-society. If you wish to support my crusade, you may do so by sending me $99, and as a free gift I'll send you a CD with the email addresses of 40 million netizens eagerly awaiting news of your latest product or service. Linda Cox, G.I.W. (Grand Inquisatrix Wannabe) P.S. Oh yeah... stale croutons. Hate 'em. About The Author Linda Cox (J.A.M.G.) was born in a speeding stagecoach amid the screams of fellow passengers as insane, wild-eyed horses dragged them all crashing toward the brink of destruction. That stagecoach was the planet Earth, those passengers were the human race, and Linda Cox is Just Another Marketing Guru. (The horses were just regular horses.) http://www.LindaCox.com/
MORE RESOURCES: Stop Unwanted Robocalls and Texts Federal Communications Commission 10 best apps to block spam calls on Android phone and safeguard your privacy The Times of India AT&T ActiveArmor Offers Features to Control Spam Texts AT&T Newsroom How to Protect Yourself from Quishing, the Newest Email Scam Reader's Digest How To Stop Spam Calls for Good Clark.com - Clark Howard How to Block Spam Calls on iPhone [2024] The Mac Observer How to block spam calls USA TODAY How to block spam calls on Android Android Police How to Stop Spam Texts on an iPhone or Android Reader's Digest KT develops AI-based spam filter Mobile World Live How to stop spam texts with your favorite messaging apps Popular Science Is "Scam Likely" Calling You? Here's How to Block Them MUO - MakeUseOf How To Block Spam Messages on Android — Direct Methods and Third Party Apps Digital Information World How To Block 'Scam Likely' Calls Parade Magazine Block spam calls and texts with Robokiller Cult of Mac How to block spam texts from an email account Android Police WhatsApp now lets you block spam right from your lock screen Android Police How to Stop Spam Emails in Gmail, Outlook + More Panda Security 10 Best Call Blocking Apps MobileAppDaily New Report: The #1 Phone Scam in America Clark.com - Clark Howard Hiya: Spam Blocker & Caller ID by Hiya AppAdvice How to block spam callers on your phone XDA Developers AI-Driven Scam and Spam Call Blocker, Genie, Is Seeking Investment To Better Protect Seniors International Business Times How to block an email address in Gmail to stop spam Digital Trends WhatsApp: How to block, report, and delete spam Android Police New Truecaller feature uses AI to detect and block spam calls: Here’s how to enable it The Indian Express Tired of WhatsApp spam? New update allows blocking users directly from lock screen; here's how The Economic Times How to report and block spam in iMessage Android Police Detect and block spam calls with Truecaller's new AI feature; know what it is and how to use The Times of India Here’s how to stay safe from spam calls on WhatsApp The Times of India Google Search update brings better spam filter to improves search quality The Times of India WhatsApp Now Allows Users to Block Spam Directly From Lock Screen: Here Are Steps to Enable Feature Gadgets 360 Scam call numbers: Check full list and block them The Economic Times Comcast Introduces New Advanced Spam Blocker Feature for Xfinity Voice Customers Comcast Corporation Whoscall app launched in the Philippines to block spam calls, messages manilastandard.net How to Block and Report Spam Messages on WhatsApp MUO - MakeUseOf Google upgrades Gmail's spam filter to automatically detect ``spam that can only be read by humans'' GIGAZINE(ギガジン) Spam-blocking app launched in the Philippines Philstar.com How to block robocalls on your Samsung Galaxy phone SamMobile - Samsung news How to Block Spam Calls on Android & iPhone Devices | Reviews by Wirecutter The New York Times Stop spam calls on iPhones and Android devices with these simple steps The Indian Express Savvy Senior: How to protect seniors from scam calls Midland Daily News How to stop spam calls on iPhone and Android phones Digital Trends Mobile phone users to get option to block overseas numbers as part of new anti-scam measures The Straits Times How to Stop Spam Calls The New York Times How to Stop Spam Calls and Block Robocalls Business Insider Spam blocker proves costly – The Florida Bar The Florida Bar How to Keep Spam Away From Your Smartphone samsung.com How to block spam calls on iPhone Laptop Mag Washington state lawmakers unanimously approve law to limit robocalls, hold telecoms accountable GeekWire Best apps to block unwanted spam calls The Citizen How to Block Spam Calls on Android Lifewire |
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